#I’m more annoyed at myself than anything
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
.
#I just got ANOTHER parking ticket for the same reason as last time#street cleaning🥲🥲🥲#which is horribly embarrassing and AWFUL bc it���s $90 and I had to beg my mom to pay last time#and she’s gonna be so mad if she hears abt this one#my block has totally free parking except for every other Tuesday#and I constantly forget#I shouldn’t but I do :(#and I have NO MONEYYYYYYY#actually I have abt the same as always but my mom just took a pretty big pay cut and doesn’t get paid in January so I’m worried for her#it’s okay tho my grandma usually sends me money at the end of the block so I’m trying to chill#I’m more annoyed at myself than anything#hence why I’m sitting in the rain bc I deserve it#I also committed to taking my roommate winetasting and she invited me to everything#and ofc I’m gonna pack my own food and ask to split gas but#that’s another weight on my mind#I’ll be fine I just really have to establish boundaries abt my spending lol with her#she’s always begging me to buy stuff and ragging on me for not working#which now I regret#but anyway I’ll be okay just needed to vent lol#gotta figure out my commissions soon
0 notes
Text
I wish I could stop getting stuff in my inbox about donations. I can barely afford to get groceries nevermind even the thought of donating to people from outside the country and/or people who need insulin…
My blog isn’t the right place to ask. I’m also VERY wary of asks like that because of the nature of scammers, so it’s likely that in sending me asks like this it will NOT be posted and instead deleted.
#Getting annoyed about it… sorry#a little blunt too as I’ve mentioned before how I’m low on money myself and can’t afford shit a grand 95% of the time aside from essentials#we’re behind on bills even…#That gofundme is still going on my end but it’s stagnating which is… worrying…#… eh…#I suppose that others telling me tumblr or twitter isn’t the place to go would be right for this kind of thing… but#it’s the effort that counts. y’know?#either way… my blog is meant to be a place to get away from the high hells of the world most of the time#I don’t post anything about palestine or politics or people needing donations for that reason#Of course there’s more to it than just the one reason… but I digress#Just know that I don’t trust asks like that. full stop
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
this is a test
#i’m bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters that’s actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring let’s think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk i’m not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad that’s a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isn’t all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw there’s probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i don’t#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like i’m actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much it’s crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books they’re all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry that’s made everything a bit messy. i should’ve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think you’re being annoying i literally don’t care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now it’s just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i don’t really have any thoughts to put here idk if we’re halfway ermmmm omg it’s#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. it’s wild how it’s basically almost christmas. like#what. that’s illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesn’t crash or#smth cause i’ve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but i’ve saved it and holy jesus it’s a lot of text im just sat here giggling there’s really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldn’t that be crazy) so wait there’s 140#haracters and 30 tags so what’s 30 x 140. someone hurry. i haven’t done maths lessons in two and a half years i’ve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
I don’t get antis who ‘fix’ other people’s art. I dont get art fixing that much in its entirety when it comes to drawing over original artwork but in this case I really don’t get it when it’s antis drawing over art because the original artist was a proshipper or at least the anti thinks they are.
like…other than making you feel morally superior what is the point of ‘fixing’ their art? The original art still exists untouched somewhere and the fictional characters in the artwork aren’t gonna jump out and thank you for fixing the art. You’re just stealing someone’s art, drawing over it, and acting like that somehow made it better.
#talk away ⌞🍵🍋 ⌝#I think this particularly annoys me#I’m an artist myself#and I’d rather not random strangers on the internet take my art and draw over it#without my consent and act like they somehow did me a favor :/#proship#profiction#pro fiction#artists#anti anti#and like#what do you expect the artist to do?#grovel at your feet for ‘fixing’ their art?#more than anything the artist is probably just gonna ignore or block you#anti purity culture
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Writing over 30,000 words worth of content for a fic only to realize it’s all pointless because you have no interest in it anymore and you were never gonna finish it anyway….
What even is The Point anymore
#current mood#it’s so joever#this isn’t even the worst part honestly#what really sucks is that this project was the last thing in my life I had any sustainable interest in and now that’s gone too.#now I have nothing. like#the fuck am I supposed to do??? get a new interest??? that’s fucking impossible#nothing hits like it used to and everything is just….bland….and SO MUCH EFFORT to get into#like hobbies are so difficult? and my old hobbies (ex writing) are becoming more and more toxic and like a chore rather than something fun#like writing at this point has become a battle of perfectionism and I’m fucking losing#what am I supposed to do. nothing inspires me. I have no interests. no hobbies. not many friends irl#and it’s not like we ever hang out because people are a fucking piece of work#either they cling to you like dog shit or they never respond to your texts no in between#im just so tired of existing??? and also college??? is fine but like#what the fuck am I DOING here like#why am I getting an art degree??? is this really how I should be spending my time and my parents money?#what the fuck am I gonna do for a job??? what do I WANT from a job???? I don’t even fucking know#i can’t see myself being happy in life doing anything and that’s such a nonstarter#it makes it impossible to start planning anything because I feel paralyzed with fear#and like I said….i don’t have any interests. I don’t LIKE anything. I am the antithesis of curiosity and interest like. there’s just nothing#i can’t do this anymore#im so done#idk why I made this so long but#I guess I have a lot on my mind I wanted to share#sorry for cringe posting on main it will happen again#im sorry in general actually for everything im sorry for being needy and attention seeking and annoying and flaky and never finishing any of#my fics because I lose interest and for not responding to anyone in my inbox I’m sorry#personal#cringe#cringetober#long tags
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
having a normal one over here
#i think the meds overcorrected#i cannot sleep and i am bubbling with Emotions#can i tell what most of them are? No#but there’s a lot of them#and they’re not actually super shitty??#they’d be nice if they could just dial it down a notch#also this isn’t vague posting to be clear i’m not having Emotions because anything happened#this is run-of-the-mill confusion posting#kinda nervous for the comedown after these like. several consecutive pretty great days in a row???#other than the late night panic attacks i was giving myself by reading the news#my doctor literally made me go into my settings and turn off notifs for my news apps#while telling me ‘at least you’re self aware’#(bc i knew it was the news fucking me up i just wasn’t Allowed to turn off notifs)#anyway i’ve gone on a tangent#tumblr is back to being my journal#which means i’m gonna get like. at least 3x more annoying with my posting.#anyway i’m also thinking about Women but like. what’s new right?#also it’s Pride Month if there was ever a time to be gay over women it is NOW#someone’s gonna have to talk me out of dating apps again soon#(i hate dating apps and i don’t even want to date)#(but like maybe there are other cool queer people who wanna have queer movie nights and be casually gay together)#(you never know unless you try!)#anyway i’m not gonna be embarrassed for those tags bc if you’ve read this far that’s on you#personal
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hey man, some advice from someone on their way into their mid twenties: don’t continue into higher education if you don’t want to. I know it’s easier said than done, but I mean it wholeheartedly. School is draining, and if just the thought of it is causing you stress, than actually going will be worse. It’s hard when it feels as though there’s all of this pressure to not disappoint yourself parents or anyone else that expects this of you, but you are what matters most. You should be your top priority. You should do the things that are in your own best interest. I tried to go to college multiple times after graduating (and struggling to do so immensely despite the fact that I’m smart and school came easy to me. I was just incredibly burnt out on life by that point) and it never ended up working out. College isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. You’re not less than or a failure for not doing what society tells you you have to do to be successful. You can find meaningful work that doesn’t break your body and soul without college. You can maintain or create new friendships without college. Put yourself first, and you’re doing great 💜
thank you 😭
#saying more in tags bc i’m shy#currently bc i’m so young i’m just going to stay with what i’m doing#i was able to figure out my shit for today and i start next week#i’m an easy quitter so if i fucking despise it u best believe i’m leaving#but maybe it ends up being amazing. i rlly don’t know .#just doing this now to please my family.#i still work and i have friends. my future goals aren’t limited to school and i have to remind myself of that.#getting a life outside of school has helped me become a better person i think.#and i hope if i remember that i do have a life outside of school i’ll survive going to class if i know it’s not the end of the world if i’m#not the absolute best.#for now i’m too young to say no to my parents#all things considered i should just say no#but living w them is hell dealing w this#i think my best option is to dip my toes in and see how it goes.#i don’t even have to push myself too hard. and they won’t either bc they know anything is better than nothing#but i do not regret at all the time i spent out of school#i was able to work so much and as annoying as work can b i’m very grateful i got to do that#bc not only has that helped me make my closest friends but also …MONEY.#soon i’ll get a car. and soon i can start planning my own future#captain’s log#One step at a time ☝️🙏#incoming transmission#i appreciate u anon .#but this year i’m going to try and b easy on myself#we’ll see how that goes#also it’s low stakes bc it’s just community college#maybe if i can take stuff that interests me i can figure myself out more#bc while ik ever job doesn’t NEED college degree. idk what i want to work in.#there’s things i’d love to do. but i have zero knowledge of anything
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#plagued by thoughts and emotions.#man lmao I’ve bitched out So many times this week from reaching out to people. idk. it’s been so long that I just feel like I’m#not important enough to justify it. & I did manage a bit w one person but also ended up#retreating there too bc I just got the sense I made it awkward somehow#so yknow. really great stuff on my end hdjfk#idk idk I’m starved for meaningful social interaction I’m starved for literally anyone taking interest in me atp#it’s such a roller coaster I hype myself up > doesn’t work out > crash hard & I don’t like it. it’s exhausting! it’s really fucking sad too#I’m so tired of my own company & talking to myself all the time. I’ve heard everything I have to say already there’s only so much I can do#I don’t even know what else to say lmao I feel like I don’t really exist anymore outside of my own head#I feel like I can’t get anyone to just djjfjf care about anything I have to say no matter what?#I’m not enough my art isn’t enough whatever it was a few years ago isn’t there anymore.#and I want it to be genuine I don’t want it to be out of pity bc all that does is honestly get my hopes up a bit but it can’t/wont last#I say that for everyone’s benefit too like djjfjf I don’t want to be annoying any more than other people want to be annoyed#anyway I’m going to try to shake this off a bit bc I can’t do anything right now#and I’m not even sure I’d be in the right headspace to have a conversation without decompressing first
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i don’t think i’ll ever fully understand how typical friendship is supposed to work
#what’s the normal level of codependency#is my random questions about mental illness and trauma weird or just like normal bonding#is my expectation for how often i want to talk too high#what are you generally just not supposed to share with people#i know that the answer to all of this is generally that these are rules you make up together#it’s based on the individual relationship#how do i start that conversation so i know?#how bizarre is it to say ‘hey can we review/set boundaries’#what do i do if they think that that’s weird? or somehow emotional labor? just off myself???#i’m SO autistic i just. like i#my friends are relationships are more important to me than anything else#i don’t want to accidentally annoy or bother people fucking ever#and i just want the FUCKING RULESSS#welcome to redd’s autism hour
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
man im really fucking bad at hanging out with people no wonder i have like two friends
#sometimes it’s worse than usual and tonight was one of those times#I just. couldn’t get myself to be interested in doing anything they wanted to do#just was not having a good time and for no real reason#also every time they talk about stuff they do with other friends and whatever it hits unreasonably hard that oh yeah! I don’t have#other friends. like everyone else does. I don’t do anything or see anyone. I just obsess over a special interest and rot in my room#and it’s completely my own fault because I can’t fucking socialize#idk but anyway that’s just. a part of it. aside from that i was just. yeah not interested in anything#I wasn’t even tired or lethargic or anything like I usually am so it’s just a fucking waste of everyone’s time including mine#that I’m. like this#idk. I should drink a lot more next time. probably.#im more sociable and actually somewhat enjoyable to be around that way. sucks that it takes so fucking much to get me drunk lol#god I hate being like this I hate that social conditions have to be so specific or else my brain short circuits like this#I honestly think it was largely something to do with there being two people hanging out that usually aren’t there#even if they’re not new people to me or anything and they’re friends and all#I guess I was just kind of only in the headspace to hang out way more casually with the two main people I tend to be around the most#conveniently the two people who have played yakuza and aren’t as annoyed by me playing it or talking about it or whatever#I hate being so consumed by interests like this where I literally don’t want to talk about anything else basically#I wish I could actually infodump to my friends#but yeah . only one of them I sorta do that to and even that I’m just. idk I still feel like I can very easily be too much#there’s something very wrong with me#and now I’m gonna feel bad the rest of the week because that was my only shot at social interaction for the week. and now I’ll be in my room#being. the mentally ill husk of a person that I am the rest of the week.#woohoo#im going to split my skull open I hate this I hate being so bad at being a person#kibumblabs
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
currently failing to cope with the fact that none of my friends feel like My Friend
#whimsy whispers#mainly due to the fact that the longest friendship I’ve had is falling apart and there’s nothing I can do about it and it’s made me even#more aware of the fact that I’m no one’s friend#and then my response is to be overbearing and shove my insecurities down people’s throats and in the process make them less likely to want#to remain friends with me#I’m very good at making me tired of me and pushing people away it’s a gift of mine#it just sucks so much and it feels so lonely and bad all the time#I just want to be someone who’s happy and loved and feels wanted but I just don’t think that’s going to ever happen especially given that#my best friend doesn’t seem like they want me in their life anymore and I just don’t know what to do idk if there’s anything I can do#I wonder if that’s my fault as well like all my other failing friendships have been my fault so this one must be too right?#I’m just so tired and I told myself that lowering ky expectations when it comes to happiness mt my future and relationships would be better#than being hopeful and getting hurt but it still hurts#it’s jsut that if I don’t have expectations I can be upset alone without making it anyone else’s problem whereas if I have hope and then get#hurt I always make it other peoples problems which only makes things worse#I don’t feel like I’m ever going to actually be happy and as long as I’m like this no one is going to want me or love me and I don’t blame#them I’m irritating and annoying when I’m like this but I’m always like this and like who would want someone like that in their lives#I’m so deeply insecure and fuckijg awful and I just hate myself so much#happy March I was suppose to be working on doing better while taking a break from things but despite that I’m doing worse#how do I expect people to want me when I’m like this? I’m so stupid#it’s just gonna be like this until I finally die#also note that people not feeling like my friend isn’t their fault#it’s not other peoples fault that I’m like this and I don’t want people to feel like they’re at fault for something they didn’t do
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
i over cooked my pizza now i have to die
#arfid is the most annoying ass bitch in the fucking world what the FUCK#the pizza isn’t even burnt or anything it’s just cooked more than i like it so the cheese is Gross and i don’t want it anymore but i have to#eat it or else i have nothin else to eat so i’m Suffering and trying to not have a meltdown bc of it#i just want to be able to eat foods and not fucking CARE this is the worst part of being autistic and i fucking hate it i hate it so BAD#whyyyyyy can’t i just eat things no matter what this isn’t FAIR i deserve a brain that lets me eat things even if they aren’t exactly how i#like them why can’t iiiiiiiii WHYYYYYY#i’m so annoyed at the world and myself idk what to do#i’m trying to eat this pizza but it’s not going well but i’m fr trying so hard#the only thing that helps me get through eating stuff like this is weed but i didn’t get to smoke before it was done and now idk if hitting#something would help me at this point bc what if it doesn’t hit fast enough and then the pizza is cold and then i have to throw myself away#ok fucj it i’ll hit my bong anyway worse case scenario i just calm down in like 20 mins
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i got the sickies. however this is good cause I can yell about wearing a damn mask to my family :)
#chase.ramblings#also whenever I get sick it’s usually very tame compared to my other family members#so I’m more annoyed than anything I don’t really feel horrible#…at least right now I could jinx myself
1 note
·
View note
Text
#IGNORE ME IGNORE ME IGNORE ME#progress and healing aren’t linear!!! unless you’re me!!!#in my case it’s bad actually !! haha backslides backslides backslides!!!#i woke up triggered about something because i had a nightmare and im having An Awful Time#and it’s my second half day back at work and my uncle is dead and I want to **** my fucking ******#I wish I could just ******* it’d be easier than holding jt together but I won’t#I’ll fucking figure it out I’ll make it work but I’m going to go home and get high so I don’t fucking *** ****** when I get home m#if you somehow deciphered this no you didn’t#I need to scream into the void and I don’t have my journal with me so here it is#fuck I hate everything but I hate myself more than anything today#I feel like the whiniest bitchiest stupidest most annoying little sack of shit on the planet :)#less than two hours and I can go home and cry in bed#someone pls come abduct me im over it
0 notes
Text
~ ~ ~
#at partner’s parents’ house for the weekend to celebrate their grandpa’s birthday#long drive from Utah to New Mexico which wasn’t really so bad just a bit tiring and annoying#but I’m kinda bummed because partner wants to just sleep on the couch while I take their old bedroom myself#and like I get that there’s some practicality in that since the bed is a bit small for two people and there’s not much space in the room#but I’ve only been here one other time and I wanted to be able to sleep next to them as usual#which would be especially comforting in an unfamiliar environment with people I’m not super close to yet#and would give us time to just be alone together for a while#but now it’s just me alone which really sucks#and I also feel bad because this is their house and they should get their own bedroom back not sleep on the couch#feel like my being here has pushed them out into a less comfortable spot which just makes me feel guilty#I know they wanted me to come and are happy I’m here with them but still it’s just a not great situation all around#kinda wish I hadn’t come at all and just stayed behind to watch the cats#coulda been at the tattoo expo in my town getting my first ever tat or something#coulda had plenty of time to myself back at home rather than this odd situation#and maybe even could have hung out with bestie for a while since he said he wasn’t doing much this weekend#though he hasn’t called or texted me back since this morning so idk maybe we wouldn’t have done anything together#still I just feel awkward about this whole situation#maybe I just need to settle in a bit more or maybe I’ll be happier once this weekend is over who knows#personal
0 notes
Text
v
#ignore this im complaining about my life what else is new#i feel like i’m annoying everyone and that i should be grateful for the ones who still are talking to me#i’ve been in pain all summer and have had little to no relief from it#being in pain has made me angry and on a short fuse#i’m overly sensitive and the smallest things are setting me off#i’ve cried more this summer than i have in the year prior#i feel annoying because i’m constantly complaining about the pain#it’s all consuming it’s all i feel from the moment i wake up to the moment i go to sleep#pain management i’ve tried has worked once and never again and i am basically giving up on it#i still don’t have an answer for anything and won’t get one until wednesday#if i get one at all#i’m sick of being sick of it#i’m tired of being tired#i’m done with being done#it doesn’t help that i keep getting mad about bad men in my life#that i keep making myself feel guilty for trying to protect myself#i nearly cried before work and then again at work and then i cried after work#then i nearly lost my shit because it’s been a bad day and i’ve been looking forward to having burgers and corn on the cob#the fire alarm kept going off the apartment was full of smoke from the burgers#the burgers were too charred for me to enjoy and i basically just ate the corn on the cob#i’m fucking done and i cant die because my friends and family would miss me and bean would be so distraught without me#i’m just so fucking exhausted that i haven’t had a moment of peace this whole year#i want it to end
0 notes